Stare at the curb long enough and you'll hit it.

TL;DR: Most people in active addiction already know it's hurting them, and knowing has never been enough to stop. Recovery tends to hold when you quit staring at what you're trying to avoid and start steering toward something you actually want.

Hi everyone,

At a lecture Laurie gave at TAAP, someone asked a question Mike wrote down and brought home: why do we keep doing things we know are destroying us? It's a question I could ask about every client I've ever sat with, and about myself. I also think a lot of the people asking it haven't suffered enough to know the answer. Our pastor Trevor put it this way: those who have suffered little can love little, and those who have suffered a lot can love a lot.

Almost nobody in active addiction thinks meth is good for them. Knowing is rarely the problem. During this conversation, Mike and I kept circling back to two reasons people stay. The first is chemical. Every high spikes the brain, and the crash afterward drops it lower. The baseline keeps moving, so eventually the next hit is mostly about getting back to normal. The second is the devil you know. Mike hears it on the boat when guys stay with a captain they can't stand instead of transferring somewhere unknown. I know how to handle this pain, and I have no idea what's waiting on the other side.

Then Mike shared something from learning to ride motorcycles that I haven't stopped thinking about. New riders get told to look where they want to go, never at what they're trying to avoid. Stare at the curb while you tell yourself not to hit it, and you'll hit the curb.

A lot of recovery gets built around the curb. Don't relapse. Don't call that person. Those boundaries matter, and they still can't be the whole plan, because your hands follow your eyes. Mike's alternative is a target you're moving toward, something you can measure, whether that's a lift at the gym or a number on a paycheck. It's also why I push back on the idea of getting off everything and stopping there. People who remove the substance without replacing what it gave them end up white-knuckling it as a dry drunk.

The steering doesn't have to be dramatic. I read about Google's moonshot goals, and how the company later added roof shots because aiming only at the moon left people stalled. My own version was small. My doctor kept flagging my cholesterol, and I'd decided it was genetics. I switched from fried chicken to grilled and started eating more fish, and a month or two later my numbers came down. It was my behavior the whole time.

Knowing what's hurting you is the curb. Recovery is picking a point down the road and looking at it long enough that your hands follow.

Where have your eyes been fixed lately, on the curb or on the road you actually want?

Mike and I also get into why the church should be sending people out instead of pulling them in, and how the DARE program backfired, in the full conversation. New episodes drop every week

My Reads of the Week

What you do with your free time predicts whether you drink heavily a year later

University of New Mexico researchers led a secondary analysis of 1,726 people from a multisite alcohol treatment trial, published in the Journal of the Experimental Analysis of Behavior in July 2026. People who engaged in more alcohol-free activities six months after treatment drank heavily less often at the twelve-month mark, and the link was stronger for people living in more economically disadvantaged communities. That's Mike's motorcycle lesson in data form: the road you steer toward does more for you than the curb you're avoiding.

Why the drink stops being about feeling good

In a review published in Neuron in June 2026, NIDA and NIAAA researchers Leandro Vendruscolo and George Koob describe how alcohol addiction shifts the brain's reward and stress systems until withdrawal produces a heightened negative emotional state they call hyperkatifeia. At that stage, people drink mostly to escape the low rather than to chase a high. It's the science behind Mike's point about the moving baseline, and why knowing something is bad for you rarely stands a chance against a brain trying to climb back to normal.

The stories we tell ourselves can keep us where we are

A University of Bucharest study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, published in July 2025, surveyed 99 women and found that adverse childhood experiences predicted later victimization in intimate relationships. That link was strongest among women who coped by reframing the relationship as something that made them better people, a mental shortcut the authors say can justify staying. It's one more piece of the devil you know answer to the question asked at TAP, and a reminder that leaving often starts by questioning the story someone tells themselves about why they stay.

Wisdom nugget

Addiction usually starts as a coping strategy, a solution the brain found for feelings that felt unmanageable. Taking the substance away without building anything in its place leaves people holding all the original problems with zero tools. Awkward Recovery's guide to DBT skills for recovery walks through distress tolerance and emotion regulation as the replacement kit, the skills that give the hardest moments somewhere else to go. Read more

Hot Takes

Do the opposite of what feels good (YouTube)

Don't chase Happiness. Chase Purpose! (YouTube)

Learned Helplessness (YouTube)

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The essence of our mission at Atomic Souls transcends the realms of recovery and stability; it's about igniting the flame of purpose and passion within each soul we encounter. Join us.

Thanks for reading,

Rachel

p.s. If this is our first introduction, hi, I’m Rachel, founder and CEO of Atomic Souls Counseling. I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-S) and a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC). After years in the trenches as a clinician, I discovered that my real passion isn’t just helping clients heal; it’s helping therapists thrive.

I’ve built Atomic Souls into more than a counseling practice; it’s a place where healing and business intelligence meet. I work with therapists, counselors, and practice owners to help them build sustainable, ethical, and profitable practices. Together, we focus on strategy, systems, and the economics of growth the behind-the-scenes work that allows you to keep showing up fully for your clients without burning out.

My approach blends clinical wisdom with business strategy. I coach on everything from pricing models and team structure to marketing, leadership, and scaling, all while maintaining your integrity and purpose. I believe you can be both a gifted clinician and a confident entrepreneur; those two identities don’t have to compete.

Through Atomic Souls, I’ve built a community where mental health professionals support one another, share resources, and turn purpose into sustainable success. Whether you’re just starting out or ready to expand, I’m here to help you build a practice that aligns with your values and fuels your life, not drains it.

If you’re a therapist ready to step into the next chapter of your career with clarity and confidence, let’s connect.

I write about the business of healing: strategy, systems, and soul for therapists who want to build thriving, values-driven practices on my blog.

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