The pattern everyone around you can already see.

TL;DR - A drunk driver gets away with it an average of six times before they're ever caught. I talked with attorney Trey Gober about what that number actually means, and it's not really about driving. It's about every pattern that keeps getting a pass until the day it doesn't.

Hi everyone,

I sat with attorney Trey Gober for this conversation, and he told me something that stopped me mid sentence. A drunk driver drives drunk seven times on average before they get caught. Six free passes. Six times the same choice gets made and nothing happens. No crash, no consequence, no reason to stop.

I've been sitting with that number ever since, because I don't think it's really about driving at all.

The pass isn't proof you're fine. Every client I've sat with in a pattern they can't break has some version of this math running in the background. The drink that didn't wreck anything. The scroll session that didn't cost the relationship. The blowup that didn't end the marriage, this time. Each pass gets quietly filed away as evidence that the thing isn't that serious. But a pass isn't proof of safety. It's just proof the wreck hasn't happened yet.

Consequences that don't fit don't work. Trey walked me through a case where his client was hit by a driver who'd been arrested for a DWI three years earlier, deep into a pattern that started after a divorce and had been snowballing ever since. That first arrest got him sixty days in county and nothing after. No probation, no program, no real interruption. Just time served and back to the same road. I see this constantly in the room too. We either come in too hard, which breeds shame and secrecy, or too soft, which just refills the account. The middle we're actually looking for is a consequence sized to the pattern, not to our discomfort with confrontation.

The wake up call isn't punishment, it's disruption. People in recovery will tell you plainly that jails, hospitals, and institutions are often what finally gets someone sober, not because suffering is the point, but because those are the moments a pattern can no longer pretend to be invisible. The goal was never to punish harder. It was to interrupt sooner, before the pass count runs out on its own terms instead of yours.

Here's what I keep coming back to. The people around a pattern usually see it long before the person living it does. The friends who've noticed. The partner who's stopped bringing it up. The version of you that already knows.

So I'll leave you with this: if you're on pass three, or five, or six, what would it take for someone to name it out loud, before the seventh pass runs out?

-Rachel

Come listen to the full conversation with Trey Gober, and let's talk about it.

New episodes drop every week.

My Reads of the Week

Long-term relapse: markers, mechanisms, and implications for disease management Most research on relapse focuses on the first few weeks or months after someone gets sober, which leaves a real gap in understanding what happens years down the line. This study looks specifically at long-term remission and finds that isolation and unaddressed mental health symptoms, not just time elapsed, are the strongest predictors of a later relapse. It's a useful reminder that the passes don't stop accumulating just because someone's made it past the first year.

Addiction relapse prevention This 2026 clinical overview makes an argument worth sitting with: relapse has become so normalized as part of recovery that it can quietly lower the urgency everyone involved feels about actually preventing it, patients, providers, and support systems alike. The piece walks through the leading relapse prevention strategies in current use, from therapy and skill building to medication and monitoring, and makes the case for treating each one as a real intervention rather than a formality.

An exploration into the factors contributing to addiction relapse Based on interviews with people in treatment, this qualitative study traces a pattern where the substance gets mentally reframed as a remedy, something that once solved a problem, even well into recovery. That reframing becomes a justified, almost logical trigger for the next relapse, which reframes relapse less as a moment of weakness and more as the product of a belief that never actually got dismantled.

Wisdom Nugget

Those first thirty days get treated like a finish line, but they're really the proving ground where the real pattern either breaks or gets buried deeper. The body is busy clearing out what it's been carrying, and the mind is doing the exact same work, just slower and quieter. This is the stretch where the six passes we talked about above either start becoming three, then one, then none, or where the wreck we've been avoiding finally happens. Neither path is guaranteed. What decides it is whether someone has the support to get through the shakes and the sleeplessness without white knuckling it alone.

Read more.

Hot Takes

DWIs are preventable (YouTube)

Don't overshoot the boundaries (YouTube)

Are you working a program or just memorizing one? (YouTube)

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The essence of our mission at Atomic Souls transcends the realms of recovery and stability; it's about igniting the flame of purpose and passion within each soul we encounter. Join us.

Thanks for reading,

Rachel

p.s. If this is our first introduction, hi, I’m Rachel, founder and CEO of Atomic Souls Counseling. I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-S) and a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC). After years in the trenches as a clinician, I discovered that my real passion isn’t just helping clients heal; it’s helping therapists thrive.

I’ve built Atomic Souls into more than a counseling practice; it’s a place where healing and business intelligence meet. I work with therapists, counselors, and practice owners to help them build sustainable, ethical, and profitable practices. Together, we focus on strategy, systems, and the economics of growth the behind-the-scenes work that allows you to keep showing up fully for your clients without burning out.

My approach blends clinical wisdom with business strategy. I coach on everything from pricing models and team structure to marketing, leadership, and scaling, all while maintaining your integrity and purpose. I believe you can be both a gifted clinician and a confident entrepreneur; those two identities don’t have to compete.

Through Atomic Souls, I’ve built a community where mental health professionals support one another, share resources, and turn purpose into sustainable success. Whether you’re just starting out or ready to expand, I’m here to help you build a practice that aligns with your values and fuels your life, not drains it.

If you’re a therapist ready to step into the next chapter of your career with clarity and confidence, let’s connect.

I write about the business of healing: strategy, systems, and soul for therapists who want to build thriving, values-driven practices on my blog.

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